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December 01, 2004 It's World AIDS Day. Please don't forget that fact. I'm not going to preach about it but it's still a pandemic and outta control. I dunno, say a prayer for those lost and those that have the disease and pray to God for a cure. Give 5 bucks or whatever you can to an AIDS organization. Whitman Walker in DC always needs money. Just don't forget that AIDS is still out there. Thanks December 02, 2004 i just sat on my testicles. blinding pain. had to share. ouch. December 02, 2004 wow my eye lid is twitching. i wonder if all the stress and everything has finally caught up with me. The eye twitch is kinda fun sometimes but this just won't stop. I fear that it never will cause i don't see things getting any easier. There is a resolution but I don't want that curtain and it will certainly mess me up more. I just want my eye to stop. I also have an inordinate amount of gas today. I probably shouldn't have had chili for lunch but Wendy's was out of fries. I'm a waste today. I think i need chocolate. OH, what i want is one of them thar orange chocolate balls that you smash it it breaks into little orange slices and, oddly enough, tastes like oranges. go fig. mmm fig newtons. Newton was my grandmothers maiden name. I don't think she liked apples. I wonder what Isaac Newton would think of that. Or Isaac Isimov - yeah i should look that up but i dont wanna. I've never liked the name isaac. not even the guy from the Love Boat. i got nothing December 14, 2004 i'm dead on the inside. i can't stand the holidays and i am turning into scrooge. for some reason i have become a bitter angry sad man. now i know you're all are saying, have become?, because i have been this way pretty much all my life as far as I can tell but now i think it's official. i don't think that it is possible to be more apathetic about pretty much everything as i am at this point. a lot of this is because of the one thing that i had going for me has gone and in it's place is a festering rancid pit of sadness and misunderstanding - how's that for confusing and vague - and as i hang here looking up at the threads of hope snap i see the inky pattern that I have yet again sunk into. what do i do right now? work 70 hours a week. whats coming in jan? a play AND 70 hours a week. When i want avoidance I get it. My attitude is fuck the holidays, screw the customers out of their last cent and piss on Santa from the second deck of the mall. i'm off to get lunch and kick a puppy. December 14, 2004 Okay so i have a broken toe and i am losing patience with the whole bone healing thing. Why can't i have super healing or something because I cannot stop walking and rest it but the damn thing is hurting. Very annoying. December 16, 2004 i think a scab just fell in my chili. reading over past journal entries is fun. and by fun i mean harrowing. and by harrowing I mean bad. :) i think i should just chart my psychological progress like those biorythum things you used to get at the interstate rest stops, send that in to the hospital and then run before they can get the restraints on me. Looking back at the past entries I have always apparently hated the holidays. SO my detestation of them this year is nothing different but now I don't have that special someone to wake up next to, watch them sleeping, make coffee and breakfast and then slowly wake and share presents and holiday cocksucking joy. Sorry, slipped into anger there. :) I smell alcohol. I wonder if that's me. hmmm December 16, 2004 Sorry,I'm just going to apologize to everyone for being a right bastard the past few weeks. I haven't been myself and I frankly can't stand who I have become. Please bear with me while I repair the damages. I don't know how to describe my feelings except watch the first few minutes of Sleepless in Seattle and stop before they arrive in Seattle. That is me right now. I'm not fine. I'm in pain. One way of the other I will heal and hopefully be a better person. But thank you all for the kind words and allowing me to wallow in my misery. December 16, 2004 i just hand a random nose bleed. I have never had one of those before. My brain now thinks that I have a brain tumor or some sort of cancel. it could just be drinking from last night and the incredible dry air in this building. But that would be logical. December 20, 2004 its cold. that's all i'll say. it gets cold every year. holidays are approaching. man i wish i had the spirit. maybe working retail for the holidays is killing it even more than other things that are going on. Who knows. I want it all to be over. I want things to be the way they were back when i was happy. Enough of that. got free coffee from starbucks this morning. My favorite girl there pretended like she waved my starbucks cards and just waved me on and winked. She is the coolest girl. i need to fart but i have two people talking in my cube. I have a feeling that this is going to be one of the ones that I cannot hide from. Hmmm, what to do... December 20, 2004 oh goody, both Will and Grace episodes tonight were about marriage. Both ended with it's okay to be single and eventually you'll find the right man. blarg. December 21, 2004 Well, it looks like i am taking another trip in two weeks. This will impact Unbecoming a little. I will be gone for i think 2 weeks and I will be heading to either Hawaii, Miami or Nebraska. For the love of god i hope it's not Nebraska. In january. So cold. Ug. I will know more soon.
December 21, 2004 From Darkhorizons.com: Ex-Buffy stars Sarah Michelle Gellar and Charisma Carpenter are allegedly competing for the lead role in forthcoming superhero movie Wonder Woman according to online celebrity zine Teen Hollywood. The pair, who played Buffy Summers and Cordelia Chase respectively in the hit show, are battling for the iconic role after their former boss Joss Whedon agreed to direct the movie remake of the 70s television show says British tabloid The Daily Record. An insider told the paper ""Joss has told the studio that Sarah is his first choice followed by Charisma. Sarah expressed an interest, but the producers are more interested in Charisma because she is less well known. December 21, 2004 Even my horoscope is telling me to get over it. i wish that i could, wish that I wanted to. Aries: You can finally put whatever has been bothering you lately on the back burner. You may be a fire sign, but you spend the next few days walking on air -- or maybe on water. Wherever you go, others throw themselves shamelessly at your feet. The impossible seems routine to you right now. You're thrilled at the prospects in front of you and happy to be alive. Go out and do something you never dreamed you'd get the chance to do December 22, 2004 May 2 and 3 Erasure is coming to the 9:30 club. Just thought i would pass that along. December 24, 2004 well i worked all day, well i worked from 8:30 to 3:30 and laughed at all the people who came into the store and got annoyed that we didn't have their size. fuck you for waiting till the last day. i didn't go upstairs and see Jack today. everyone seemed to think the it was a bad idea to do so. i just miss him more than anything and can't stand that i can't see him. i hope he misses me too. i'll stop talking about it now. i hope everyone has a merry christmas or had a good holiday whatever they celebrate. i am off from both jobs next week and can't fucking wait to relax and be able to drink myself into a stupor and not have to get up in the morning. oh yeah, bah fucking humbug December 26, 2004 Well i didn't get the Christmas I wanted by any means but it was still a good time. Spent a lot of time with my friend Elizabeth while she recovered from surgery and we jut laughed and has a good time playing video games. The family didn't leave town which messed a lot of things up with the schedule and I forgot to go to my friend Leland’s house. I feel like a tard. Even though it didn't turn out the way I wanted I still had lots of time to reflect and things, And I got a good haul. :)
For Jack.
My instincts tell me to fight but I can't fight alone.
Like a comet pulled from orbit
ELPHABA
GLINDA BOTH
ELPHABA
GLINDA
BOTH
GLINDA ELPHABA
BOTH
GLINDA ELPHABA Because I knew you:
BOTH December 28, 2004 i guess it makes sense but if you spill lube on your desk, it's really hard to get off. there are too many ways to take that...." |