Blackotter  ::  Journal

2003-12-01 10:08:00 random notes things off the top of my head - not including my hair which doesn’t seem to want to stay on my head 

Worked at the comic store last night and picked up a manga for Battle Royale. Holy Smoking Pope this is one DISTURBING manga. A bunch of 9th graders are sent to an island and are forced to 'kill or be killed' until there is only one standing. So odd. So disgusting. I can't wait to get part 2. 

Saw Midsummer Night's Dream on Friday with friends Doug, Rob and Steve. Wow, what a really good production. It was the typical visually wonderful show that the Landsburg puts on and with a really cool ...post modern is the wrong word...post industrial maybe. The fairies had wings made of things that included a reel from the a movie, like the ones in High School. The fairies all use lights on long cables...very cool. And the acting was flawless. Oberon and the Duke - whos name I cant think of, are the same person. Very neat thing there. The major battle between the four lovers was done very well and with a nice pool on stage - or rather in the stage. Before the show Doug and I went to Poste Restaurant which is located at the Monocco (sp) hotel. Super cool inside and nice presentation and good food. 

Thanksgiving was ... me giving thanks that Nation was open so I could get away from family. Actually it was nice. Did the parental thing, then saw my ex and his bf for drinks and Finding Nemo and then to Nation. Very tired on Friday. I know there is more but I will write as I think about it 

2003-12-02 01:04:00 wow 

Went to the Harry Connick Jr show and had the best time. And i got to meet him after the show and he signed my ticket. I am SUCH a dork.

2003-12-03 12:30:00 Blarg

 Why has my God forsaken me....oh, yeah, that's right. Oh well. So a vague work rant. Let just say that I created a schedule 4 months ago that listed all the pieces of this delivery and we have all been working this project and following this schedule. How in the hell can the final piece, delivery of documents to the client, all of a sudden be 'unacceptable'? Everyone has stress and stuff but this just blows me away. (I said blow) And this isn't the first oddity to come from the client management. Ack. I really should be running the world. And after playing Knights of the Old Republic, I think I would make a good Jedi and a great world leader. I'm going to think about sex and hobbits for a bit. Oh wait. yummy trailer for Hidalgo on the Pirates disc. So going to see that. Aragorn take me away!

 I need a drink 

2003-12-03 15:27:00 Potatoe Stix 

Why do they try and make food cute? I am eating Potatoe Stix, I understand my misspelling, and on the bad they have these little potatoes playing video games, really, playing basketball, volleyball, parachuting and lots of other things. So I have to dig into a bag full of these cute little guys that have been sliced into ribbons and dried out. No longer are they having fun and living a life of potatoe fulfillment but have been murdered and I have to eat them while looking at the fun they used to have. It's almost as bad as the walking M&M's from the TV commercials. Its just plain sick. 

2003-12-04 13:35:00  

horny 

2003-12-04 16:07:00 Not so sure about the Einstein part....  

You're just the happy go-lucky type. You might have your pet peeves, but other than that, you're mainly calm. Blending in with your surroundings, you're the type of person who everyone likes. Usually it's you who cracks jokes at social gatherings - after all, laughter is the best medicine. Sometimes you pretend to be stupid, but in all actuality, you could be the next Einstein. What Type of Soul Do You Have ? brought to you by Quizilla  

2003-12-05 13:08:00

Please Does anyone have HBO and can they PLEASE tape me the Angels in America mini series on the 7th and 14th of December? I will be eternally grateful. 

2003-12-08 10:23:00 You ain't gonna shit right for a week Bad Santa = Good Fucking Movie So I can't stop talking today. Um yeah so Scott, Leah and I went to go see Bad Santa on Saturday night and oh my god I laughed my fucking head off. I also can't stop swearing cause there was so much language in it. And it is certainly not a movie for everyone. There was one couple that got up and left half way through and a couple of late 50 I guess black ladies behind us that laughed as much as I did. I knew they were black cause they talked through the whole film. But it was foul, and dirty and just the best thing I have seen that made me howl with laughter. There were points that I was shocked and gleefully offended. So much joy. 

2003-12-08 10:13:00  

"For a gay man, you seem to get yourself into an awful lot of straight situations" Ok, so basically I'm just ripping off 's post but it does seem to fit really well. Recently I have been going to places where the homosexuals hang out, recently? well anyway.., and I have been tossed aside as straight guy. The other night a friend and I were at a bar in Crystal City, Freddies, and we were having apple martinis when this mega hottie walked in. We stared and gawked but went back to our drinks. Soon the bathroom called and my friend shook her ass and one of the guys, not the cute one, saw it and asked her to do it again. She did and then headed for the bathroom. The guy saw and said, "Its okay, I'm gay." To which I sighed and said, "Me too." Then came the squinty eyes and the "But you don’t act gay." To which I can only suppose that since I don't prance around like a mincing faggot or wear "gay clothes" I fall into the purgatory of the male world. To gay to be straight and too straight to be gay. But this hasn't been the first time that this has happened. I can count at least 5 encounters I know of where these people didn't know I was gay. And it's not like I try and be something I'm not. I'm just being me. I can swish on command and set the night sky on fire with my faggotry, but that’s not who I am. And this has become much more of a rant than I wanted it too, but oh well. Oh and mega hottie at the bar was straight. At least for now.

  2003-12-08 14:20:00

 fuck i hate being powerless. i hate having to sit by and watch shit happen. i hate having to watch people cry and know that there is nothing that i can do about it. i hate having to listening to my mom cancel christmas. i hate having to hear her tell me though tears that she has no money to live on after december. i hate the anger that this fills me with. i hate the utter distraction this fills me with. i hate the fact that i want to run away and not deal. i hate the 20 ton weight that is inside me. i hate and love the boiling rage that is filling every cell in my body. i love that I just broke a pen in half. i hate that fact that i want to throw up cause i'm so angry. i hate the fact that I don't know what i'm angry at. i hate that i see so much of her in me. i love that i can remove this entry knowing eventually. i love the fact that i can remove the comment feature on lj.

  2003-12-08 14:36:00

 fuck shit pussy clit-smack ass fist thank god for suicide machines. all i thought i had was fucking pussy shit enya in the office. still need harder. i need something blacker than black too

  2003-12-08 15:56:00

 This actually made me laugh today. hehe  

Gangbang movie! You're such a horndog! You can't get enough sex! You've been around the block. People might even go so far as to call you a nympho. Chances are, you're a walking STD. Go get tested. What kind of porno would you star in? brought to you by Quizilla",public 

2003-12-08 16:11:00  

wow this day sucks. I apologize for filing up everyone journal crap stuff. get over it. your asshole. What swear word are you? brought to you by Quizilla  

2003-12-09 13:25:00  

Hum....  

EMPEROR "the pioneer, builder, doer, visionary" You create what is needed for future generations. You have a deep love for adventure, travel, change, the creative process, setting new things in motion, and changing both internally and externally. You have a great gift of visionary perception, an eye for what is and is not working. which major arcana of the thoth tarot deck are you? short, with pictures and detailed results brought to you by Quizilla  

2003-12-09 13:33:00

 i'm much happier today. even as i listen to sarah mclachlan. she really is music to kill yourself too. but after talking to people last night on line i realized that life is what it is and i am doing all i can. plus i spent a lot of time ignoring life and playing Knights of the Old Republic and working on my webpage. and we now have digital cable so i can watch Angels in America. Thanks to everyone who offered a tape but i think i can do it now. sure $120 a month is like a lubeless ass raping but in the long run its the distraction that she and i need. more she and if i can do that little i am good. in other news, i sneezed in my car and didn't see where the high velocity snot landed. i tried to cover my mouth but i was turning in sherdan circle and couldn't manage. i promise to clean my car before anyone gets in. oh and i'm super horny but this could as a surprise to no one. i think i should be arrested for penis abuse i use it so much. hell i could probably populate a whole country. wouldn't that be so Stepford like? hehe a bunch of angry, drunk, red heads running around. i mean other than Ireland. 

2003-12-09 13:41:00  

slightly disturbing Here is a scary link http://www.iondesign.net/drinkometer/ According to the drink a meter, I am rated Ozzy Osbourne. I have consumed, in the past 15 years, 19441.5 drinks and spent $124425.6 on alcohol. Thank god i get so many drinks free. But yikes. 

2003-12-09 18:26:00  

dammit i fucked up a file at work. crap. crap. crap. two days before worldwide release drinking tonight! 2003-12-12 15:55:00

"My cat's breath smells like cat food." Which Ralph Wiggum Quote Are You? (Simpsons) brought to you by Quizilla  

2003-12-12 09:16:00  

its .... Its amazing the little switch in your head that tell you that you shouldn't do something. Last night I was at nation with, well god everyone was there, including Holly from Denver. Well actually from here but she moved to Denver with his lickable bf and she will soon be back here. That will be a good thing. But I digress. I am a weee bit scatter brained as i had about 4 hours of sleep. Maybe. So we were all there and I didn't drink much, 2 drinks, cause I had to drive and i knew had to be alert. But all through the evening there were things that I wanted to do to people and I found that I couldn't. I wanted to be flirty, failed there. I wanted to kiss random people, failed there. I wanted to talk to and i couldn't do that. I want to make sure he doesn't think that I'm a stalker -- shut up, all of you! -- and that I think he's nice and hot. But without the alcohol I found that I couldn't do the odd shit that I wanted. Very annoying. But I did have a blast talking with and everyone. I think it was a nice night. 

2003-12-12 10:07:00

A Loss I didn't know him well and in fact I only met him once at the family reunion two years ago. He seemed really nice and everyone seemed to like him and he, like me, seemed to watch everything and everyone. He was about my height with these telling eyes and swath of black hair. A smile that seemed to take over his face. Very handsome guy. And as you can tell by the tense, my cousin is now dead. He hanged himself in the woods. I remember seeing him at the reunion and thinking that something was interesting about him. I think it frightened my cause he was too much like me in ways. I would see him be talkative with friends and family and retreat back into himself when everyone was gone. He was fascinating to watch. But even though I didn't know him well, his death is really freaking me out. Obviously it's the suicide part because I can't even recall the number of times that I thought about it or the number of times I would be crying in the stairwell burning myself with cigarettes. (Note: please refrain from 1000 'that's so horrible' comments. I realize that. I was there) But something got me through it. Actually my friends got me through and it and most of the time they had no idea they had. One theory on this whole mess is that the family seems to think that my cousin may have been gay. Instantly I am angry. Angry that I couldn't do anything. Angry that people can't be free to be themselves. Angry that so many people are killing themselves over this. I hate to see someone have to hide this for fear of the repercussions from family and friends. I say this now after the aforementioned cigarette burning and stuff but seeing fuck me I hate seeing that. I wish I could make it easier for people. If they are curious I want to help them find out what it is that would make them happy, teach them to be safe and smart and that life is good. I think this is important to me cause I really think I dodged that bullet. If I hadn't had the friends I had then and have now and the family that I have, I wouldn't be here. And I'm not being dramatic, just honest. He was a great guy from the stories I have heard and will hear tomorrow at the funeral. Sorry for being a downer 

2003-12-13 17:31:00

  2003-12-14 15:07:00  

Y O Y,why oh why when it snows do people all of a sudden drive like a drunk irish midget sitting on a dildo? 

2003-12-14 23:28:00  

south park funny raisins heheheh the goth kids at "Benny's" drinking coffee all night. oh wait, wasn't that me.......crap 

2003-12-15 14:07:00

 I cant think of anything to say. I am so tired. But on Ft Belvoir they have a street, it's called Gay Rd. I had to laugh 

2003-12-16 13:19:00  

and i had the strawberry shortcake for lunch why? one more day till LOTR. we're leaving work early to catch the first show of the day. if i had been more on the ball (mmm balls) i would have done the whole day movie thingy today but alas i fucked up. i am very tired. one day i will be able to sleep again. I think my bed needs to be replaced. it's disturbing enough that it used to belong to my brother's now ex girlfriend. i fear the dna on it. does anyone want to help break in the new bed when i get one? if i get no volunteers then I'm just going to go down my "Who To Do" list and pick up some lube from Costco. Any you wondered why they made gallon jugs of the stuff. Well i don't know if they actually do but can you imagine the possibilities? Think of going down a slip 'n slide that was covered in lube. can you tell that i really don't want to get back to work. my back is killing me today. I was up till 2 not sleeping. alight. maybe i'll find a quiz to do or somthing. . . 

2003-12-16 16:55:00  

This post wont win me friends WARNING WARNING if you continue to read you will be offended.  

FUCK THE HOLIDAYS FUCK CHRISTMAS FUCK HANUKAH FUCK KWAN---fuck it, its not a real holiday ok i am fucking tired of having to say happy god damn muther fucking holidays. I know i should be caring about other people's feelings but I really don't care. I'm tired of having to walk on egg shells because someone might get offended if accidentally fucking say christmas. in a perfect shit eating world if I walked up to someone and said merry shit eating christmas and they didn't celebrate it then they would say happy bloody kwanzaa. is that really so hard? i dont see what the problem is. yes i know that everywhere you go on the planet is about christmas and the evil commercialism and the trees and the malls and the jingle bells and all that. nothing i can do about it. i'm sorry that i don't celebrate a minority holiday like Hanukah or Kwanzaa but majority rules and if someone just says merry christmas cause they aren't thinking because you 1 on a line of 100 people all getting cranky just suck it up. Use each time someone assumes something about you as a strength for yourself. 

2003-12-16 17:01:00

 AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH This is a very clean version of a post that would have offended everyone. If I get that angry again I’ll post it. Here is the condensed version: MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS to which you respond: Merry Christmas to you too. Happy Hanukah! Happy Kwanzaa! hurray lizard shit FUCK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGHHH 

2003-12-18 10:42:00 LOTR:ROTK 

wow. i am still processing. as i listen to the soundtrack. Ahhh. Apparently they are going to release, if sales are good, extended versions of the soundtrack. I'm not terribly happy Howard Shore's music, but i would buy the extended versions. so good. so very very good. 

2003-12-19 10:26:00  

my dictionary stinks. I mean that in the real sense too. I loved my dictionary because when I got it, it smelled like a wonderful book. And no it is not uncommon for me to out a book back on the shelved because it didn't smell right or the paper is too thin or the type face sucked. And so I went to look up a work and was shocked that my book now smells like a musty hall full of crayons. Somewhere in the odor is what I remember to be the smell that made me get the book but its so fleeting that I shall soon be forced to put this on someone else’s bookshelf in the office and get another book for myself. this is why life is unfair. 

2003-12-19 11:45:00  

Jingle Balls <sappy post> I think this is a precursor to the end of the year post about how great everyone is but after last night I just wanted to post something early. Ya know you have those days where you mentally step back and see everything and everyone interact and you feel like a schmuck for saying stuff? Last night was one of those times. This week has been filled with some of the most heavy shit I have had to deal with in a long time, stuff that changed my outlook on a lot of things in a lot of ways, and stuff that I would give anything to have never have happened. But nonetheless they did and it's time to move on. But I pondered last night what would make a person do that? I looked around last night how fortunate I am to have the friends I do. I know some fucking cool people. Be they from the club, or old roommates, people I’ve fucked, people I wanna fuck, people I have cried with or whatever, it nice to have the net of friendship and the comfort of knowing that people will always be there for you. I'm done. I don't want to get too sappy. <sappy post> It's also funny last night that since I wasn't drinking as much as usual I was able to watch. I like to watch. And I also like to participate but refrained from kissing people as that would have probably freaked them out and they would understand my texture whore mentality. I farted and now am waiting to see if I need to apologize...... ....................nope. safe. whew 

2003-12-21 23:47:00  

CHRISTMAS TREE So I'm sitting here realizing that I have not seen the National Christmas tree yet this year. I usually go and see it and then veg and then maybe go to Dupont or anywhere else in the city and maybe have a cocktail or coffee and just veg and think about the year. Does anyone want to meet me at the Christmas tree tomorrow night? I'm thinking of parking my car at DuPont around 6:30, getting food at Chipotle and then heading down to get there by 8. Feel free to come along. 

2003-12-22 14:18:00  

the holidays are approachin I think I may have tasted the holiday mood this weekend. Saturday some friends (Scott, David, Matt, Leah) and I had a holiday party. I actually cooked something, Shepherd's Pie, and there was steak and latkes (sp) and chicken and wine and other stuff. I am still full. But it was to see David again. This man is a riot! You leave having laughed your ass off. And it's always a pleasure to see Matty outside of the club. We ate, drank, and then watched this really great fucked up movie called Sordid Lives. It was 95% awesome. There was a sub thread about some dumb queer in therapy and all you wanted to do was smack him. He just didn't seem to fit in the movie and he was probably stuck in there for eye candy. But it was hysterical. Odd movie but I recommend it. Yesterday I had to get some shopping done and was surprised how easy it was to shop. I picked up Jared and Elizabeth and we headed into Georgetown for stuff. I amazingly walked out with nothing. I was surprised. But there is this coat at Commander Salamander that I am thinking about. Very cheap and I don't know why. Then we dropped Jared off and Elizabeth and I went to Tyson's Corner. Again, not as bad as I thought it would be. We spent a lot of time looking at shoes and dresses and very expensive stuff. I got all that I needed to get and some new underwear to boot! mmm underwear. Then she and I stopped at Leland and Matt's house for a quick drink and then headed home. It was a great day. I really don't want to be at work but I am excited about seeing the Christmas Tree tonight. I always like seeing that. 

2003-12-22 16:45:00 i had forgot about this. hehe  

2003-12-25 01:10:00

Merry So I have just finished my christmas walk and i am feeling so many things right now. I take this walk every year after we finish our christmas eve activities. Basically i walk and reflect on the year and think about the one upcoming. I also thank god for all the wonderful and baffling things that he/she has done. I know it's shocking to think that I believe in God but I am a baffling person. I will never have the words to express how lucky I am to have in my life the people I do. I was telling stories about the Rude Mechanicals tonight at dinner and all the fun I have had with them. They are truly a wonderful bunch of people. I was walking thinking about Jen who is someone that makes me smile with just the sound of her name. Of Jack who fills me with such joy and love and who is such a sweet man. Fabio who is such a strong person and who just radiates a glow that could blind you. Of so many people that I feel i take for granted. I could name names forever but there is no point. I am the luckiest man on the planet to have the friends that I have. :) I wish everyone a Merry Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate (which is a cop out cause I cant spell Hanuakah <--- i know that's not right) 

2003-12-29 09:32:00

I just got an email that says I can increase my dick weight. Weight? why and how would I do that? I am so confused.