Livejournal
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2005-01-02 so i just got back from Nation. Blah. it would have sucked had Matt not been there. Man there were the same old people there doing the same old thing. I fear that I am that person sometimes. Matt and I went to the front of the room where we used to dance and where there used to be tons of hotties and man they were all gone. Its all changed now. And the boys were just nasty. There were some cute ones but the libido is dead. I think it had been for a while. I see the boys and all I think about is ... well, you know who. He is still all I see in the faces of all these people. But one good thing happened that made me feel good. I was leaving the club and this hot chick was sitting outside and she said something to the effect of 'vote for the whales'. I was intrigued and went to her and we talked a few minutes about some innane shit and then i left and as I did I heard her say, 'Man, he was freaking hot'. That made me feel good as I was feeling like dogshit all night long. hehe Later I will discuss the events of thursday and the VNV Nation show. Great show, horrible company. 2005-01-03 2004 was my best year ever. and the worst year ever. I'm done with 2004. So i was talking to my friend last night and he's making me do something that I am nervous about. A couple years ago he had surgery and in the mental therapy that followed the doctor suggested doing one new thing a week to feel more alive and preventing a stagnant lifestyle. I think if anything I am going to try and take this and do it as well. Do one new thing a week, try a new restaurant, go to a new club, see and opera, take a new way to work ... stuff like that. Well I was talking to him and the thing he's doing this week is the same thing I have wanted to do since July and actually before. He's learning to two-step. I want to learn as well. Yes i know it's easy, or so people say, and there are lessons tonight at Remingtons, country gay bar on Capitol Hill, and I said I would go. I initially wanted to go a long time ago so that Jack and I could go dancing but now I just want to do it to learn it and it looks fun as hell and if get the chance to take Jack dancing then that's all the better. But why am I so nervous? It's crazy. So i have my boots in the car and I plan to be there at 8, get a beer in me and start the lesson at 8:30. yikes 2005-01-03 I have to say that I cannot stand IM Speak. I'm chatting with this boring mother fucker and it's all full of this IM Speak. I really think Prince needs to sue someone over this because I 4 1 would bee pissed. 2005-01-04 damn power outages. so last night i was supposed to go to Remingtons for two-stepping lessons but as I got there the power went out. I was literally leaving the ATM and heading over when all the light on the block went dark. And only on the black that I want to go to. It was odd. I should think it's a sign but i had many reasons for wanting to go and go this activity so if it's a sign I dont know which I should follow. It's just freaking odd. I am inclined that it's someone telling me that the super ulterior motive reason is the one that i should believe but it was just very odd. 2005-01-04 Of course I read this AFTER I send the text message I know I probably shouldn't have. But it was one of those times where you can't get something off your mind about them and you just want to check in... i'm dumb. Aries Aries Daily extended (by Astrology.com) Just before you pick up the phone, remind yourself that you're not sure what kind of mood they'll be in. That way, if they're as ready as you are to discuss the big issues, you won't be shocked. A team of potent astrological players are set up in your house of long-distance relationships, ready to help you unearth what might previously have been seen as over. -" 2005-01-06 people suck. thats all. i hate when ugly people offer sex. An inconsiderate friend from up north just offered sex to help me get over whatever is going on with Jack and I. I was trying to honestly talk and then this was offered. Fat people bother me anyway and when they offer sex, i feel my penis retreat so far in my body that it's poking out my ass. this post aint gonna make me any friends
2005-01-07
2005-01-07 i meant no offense by yesterdays post. I can only assume that I have some shred of ... well it's not morals but what ever the feeling is that is making me write this post. So obviously I have work to do to get to my ultimate goal of unfeeling prick. 2005-01-07 two posts in one day?! say it isn't so. it's so. So, as many of you know I have the terrible affliction of debt huge debt combined with a mother who was out of work and when the two situations collided, i had to move back in with ... her. Now things are okay most of the time. It feel like I'm 15 most of the time combined with the fact that she treats me like a 15 year old and I have to say that it really beginning to wear me down. I love her like a headcold and always will but if I don't get out of this house soon, I'll be digging her grave under the house. Small examples of annoyance I share for fun: this morning I'm getting my clothes out of the dryer and I am there in a t-shirt and towel when in she walks cause she can't get her phone to ring, i look at it for a minute before getting frustrated that i'm not dressed and trying to get her phone to work; the other day she walked in on me naked (i slept in the nude and had just gotten up) she didn't think I was home but where I would be I have no idea since I haven't spent the night at jack's in pretty much three weeks at the point, I bought her a digital camera (what the hell was i thinking) and the front slides open to turn on and slides the other way to close - she couldn't get it open; the minute, nay second I open my door, the talking begins and the nagging follows shortly thereafter; she is constantly - CONSTANTLY - asking the dogs where I am and then the dogs come in to the room and i swear they look at me like 'what the fuck is up with her, we were fucking sleeping.'; she pretty much destroyed a part of the relationship between Jack and I by taking him to lunch and asking him very inappropriate questions. She really is the coolest lady and I do love her, but I am now throwing $10 a week at the lottery in the hopes that something will happen and I will avoid a prison sentence. I need coffee 2005-01-07 curse my brain. i knew scissor sisters were coming to the area and now they are here on the 12th and they are sold out. crap. 2005-01-07 why does every country song deal with the loss of love. And how in the hell do they manage to always, in every fucking song, hit that most tenderest of spots that makes your breath skip a beat as the flood of memories envelope your soul. i have to go to Remingtons tonight. Drown my sorrows in beer and country music." 2005-01-07 why do you 'take a piss' and 'take a shit'? Because I know that I really don't want to 'take' them anywhere but would prefer to leave them where they are. I say this because I just took the ... expelled a great amount of fecal matter from my system. I think I dropped a pant size. 2005-01-09 good weekend. I love Harvey Birdman"
2005-01-10 I cant stop farting. I realize that I am way too excited for whatever Apple is going to announce tomorrow at Macworld. I think I need to get a life. Good weekend. Spent it in Easton at Elizabeth's house with her parents. Good to get out of DC prop for a bit though the hour and a half drive made me think a lot about life, the universe and my penis and I came to no good conclusions. I am going to stay the road and try and find a way to get back what I lost. My broken toe isn't healing like i want it to. Well not as fast as I want it too. And I keep hitting it on things. Dammit. Going to Remington's again tonight to try and take two stepping lessons. Yes I realize after the line above this may not be a good thing but I said I would do it and I want to. Went to the bar on friday night after recording some funny ass lines for a friends play and met up with some friends I hadn't seen in about 8 months or so. That was nice. Seriously considering that tattoo. I need to get the time and the nerve to just get it. I know I want it more than anything. It's always on my mind and in 40 years I dont think I will mind having a hard cock shooting cum on a cat's back. Or rather a four leaf clover above my heart. Time to make like a baby and split." 2005-01-10 because I was slothing around other peoples journals, i thought i would post this. it looked neat:
1. Go To Mapquest.com
2. Click on Directions
3. Enter your current address and the address of your childhood home (or at least the town if you don't remember the exact address)
4. Put the time and distance in a post like this.
Total Est. Time: 40 hours, 36 minutes
Total Est. Distance: 2670.10 miles
2005-01-11 sitting here at work watching the VNV Nation dvd. Fun to watch fun to listen to fun to remember the horrible night that was. horrible in a not bad way in regards to the concert but the company. It just makes me laugh. ANYWHO... i expect lots of post today cause i am in such a manic/ocd/add mood today. Enjoy. 2005-01-11 A post in two parts. Part 1 - The Dance Lesson (this really happened last night) ... the night wasn't nearly as bitter as the reports said it was going to be which was a good thing as I walked form my car into the bar. I stood there excited and anxious, hoping that you would walk in at any moment as this was all for you anyway. The man behind the bar was quite small and incredibly thin, a scraggy beard giving him the appearance of an age I assume older than he was. He smiled and gave me the dance ticket I needed for the lesson and the Jack and Coke I needed even more and I stood on the corner waiting for a friendly face. I smoked like a fiend and drank my drink in just a few seconds, some strange fear over the impending two-step lessons was totally taking over my existence and driving the incredibly short drive I take to insanity. Finally Randy, the dance instructor called us all to the floor. Followers on one side and leaders on the other. Is it any surprise that I am a leader? Thought not. I stood there almost shaking and not knowing why. I was enveloped in a fear that people would point and laugh at me for being a total incompetent dancer or they would laugh at me for me ugly. Thankfully before I could turn into a bundle of nerves and wet pants, the dancing started. The moves were shown to us and they were indeed very easy and then the songs began. The followers filtered to the left and the leaders to the right and couples met in the center and danced down the floor and circled again. The first time I did this I was a wreck. I was so nervous, wait - more nervous I guess - i dunno. I knew I knew what to do but at this point I was unsure what the huddled masses would do in my arms. They were old, fat, young, hot, not so hot, female, tall, very tall and short and as we all danced down the floor everyone had a wonderful time. We learned the basic two step and the inside and outside turns and I cant wait to go back next Monday. After the hour was up the shyness began again and as we encouraged to keep dancing I knew that I had to ask someone. I couldn't so i smoked and drank until my friend Vajaya came up and ask me. I didn't do all that bad. They Ky came up and more and more people helped me learn the moves and the dances and it was a riot. It was such a fun experience and they were all the nicest people. I cant wait to get good! I am a freak Part 2 - The Dream (this also actually happened but alas only in my dream) The dancing lesson was over and we were all sweaty. I thanked my partner and as i turned I saw you enter the bar. I stood there alone on the dance floor just watching to walk towards me. The bar was hushed and the people merely blurs. You walked slowly to me with a tear in your eye. You walked directly to me and took me in your arms and we danced. Sud in the Bucket was the first and we moved like i didn't know I could. Everyone watched and just danced. The last song was unbreakable heart and we ended with a kiss." 2005-01-11 damn there's a tease about a mac mini on the macwold page but it hasn't reloaded yet 2005-01-12 day 724 of no sleep,"I thought I typed no 'sheep' but that would only be a day or so. Wait I mean...where's the white out. i wonder if they still have blackout at Apex? I wonder why they changed the name. I wonder...wonder...wonderfalls....lalalalal I can't wait for the Wonderfalls DVD to come out on Feb 1. Something else comes out that day but I can't think...OH i know it was Charmed. I love that show. And that is why i can't sleep. Well not charmed exactly but there is a connection to the show, and wonderfalls as well, and the ring i wear and the tattoo i'm getting...where was I...let me read back....oh yeah, that's why i can't sleep. i really need to get back on Tylenol PM ( i always think that means premenstrual - oh like the time I took that Pamprin cause I had this killer headache and man did that every make me feel good ) ...forgot where i was going with that again...oh yeah so the last time I took the Tylenol PM i was actually more awake that I was when I went to bed. I woke up every like 2 hours. I only took one pill but I didn't think that was possible. I saw an opossum the other day. Ugly things them. And I have been talking to my friend in Alaska and he has been giving me asvice...hehe asvice... i mean advice and I know what I should be doing but how do you stop seeing the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with? I know everyone heels (heals? pumps? flats?) but holy shit just when I think I am as miserable as I can get i wake up and it's a new day. i wonder what an assvice would look like? And what would the purpose be? I'm hungry. I just had Wendy's chili, went right over and took it out of the bitches hands I did. Or rather I went out and bought some. I think I'm going to cry soon. I really shouldn't have Enya on. I need to pee. Have I mentioned that maybe an hour of sleep does really weird things to me. gotta go, crying. sigh
2005-01-13
2005-01-13 restless. and apparently jumpy. I have my ipod on and this voice just came in only my left ear and it scared the hell outta me. I'm listening to a lot of songs on shuffle that I had forgotten about, like Villians by The Verve Pipe. Mmmm pipe. But really it's one of the day that I want to go out and ... do something. Chase my tail, fetch a stick but i knew that once I got outside I wouldn't do anything either! Arg. I'm so bloody annoyed. I need to get that picture done. I gotta find her email. AND i have no coffee cause most of it spilled on my car seat. Sometime I just wish my head would explode. I think that would make things so much easier and then all of you would have a nice pile of candy to eat." 2005-01-13 Ok so I'm looking up the My December lyrics and there is an add on this page that says: "Bust Santa's Zit and get a free iPod." Then you can move the hand over the sit that keeps moving around Santa, who looks like an old went miner with 5 teeth, and pop it. Um EWWWWWWWW" 2005-01-14 After last nights oh-so-informative session about my live journal exploits, I am going to try and not talk about farting (which I am doing a lot of today) or bowel movements (most likely the cause of the aforementioned far--- the new name is "making stink") or my testicles which don't seem to be doing much today. I really do mention it a lot as I look over the archives that I post on my webpage, blackotter.com. (Is that a shameless plug? It feels like but I'm not selling anything on the website and my love is always free :). Felt seedy for some reason)
Good rehearsal last night. Of course in the car as I am going over lines, cause thats the only place I actually learn lines, I had all these great deliveries and then when I got there and did them I sounded like i always do and I hate that. Oh well. It will get better, especially when
2005-01-14
2 days in a row i have spilled coffee on my crotch. WTF? If i could bend over i'd suck it off my jeans...
There was a guy at nation last night that for some reason i can't get out of my head. I thought it was 2005-01-14
fuck sheep this day is going slow.
my coffee is old
my soda is flat
my head hurts
i'm too lazy to go smoke
i'm horny
why do i love Avril
i want to go home
there's nothing to do when i get there
excited about dave's play, i'm coming tonight (so many jokes... so little time)
my foot hurts.
i cant find anything i wanna listen to on my ipod
holy crap i'm tearing over AVRIL!?!?!?!
;oios;hfgd'fzd zfdj ;sl dsf; zdl sg 'sgh sg ;s hgs; sh uiu
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
hmm, thats interesting. i just cracked my lap top. Note to self: dont hit lap tops with fist.
Wow i'm suddenly pissed. i want to break more shit. i dont know how i'm going to explain this nice crack in my puter.
blarg
going to smoke. this mental fuck challenge brought to you by united air lines, for when you want to get to florida, fly the silver tube"
2005-01-18
nothing going on today.
didn't have time to get tattoo this weekend. perhaps next weekend.
2005-01-18
picked up the new phantom soundtrack, cool. Also picked up another Eddie Izzard album, Glorious, so i could listen to him in the car. God he's funny as shit.
dancing again last night. it went fun. the people at remingtons are all so very nice. It's not unusual for someone to come up and ask you to dance just for the sheer joy of dancing with someone. I was there friday night with some friends, saturday alone cause Nation was a boring mess, and then last night. Ran into a coworker on friday and saturday nights that i thought was gay and now i know for sure. we talked shop for a while. so....yeah i got nothing."
2005-01-19
oh my lord i am so angry today i could hold a nun's head underwater till she stopped breathing. well maybe not that angry as nuns are the cutest thing on the entire planet. but i am angry nonetheless. yet again another night of little sleep. and i was sooo tired when i hit the sheets. I snuggled with Hardy, my alligator, and drifted off to the gentle high pitched whines of my computer that dulled the high pitch whines already ringing in my ears. Then I woke 2 hours later to pee...i mean to ... drop water...wait...oh fuck it...then i woke at 4:46 for no reason other than the insane ramblings going on in my head. i really don't want to talk about him but he's always in my dreams and the dreams, as dreams often are, are totally different from the actual reality of life. But it's not like i have super powers like i used to dream about when i was younger and i could stop time and go around the world having sex with everyone - i was a messed up 12 year old, no these dreams are only a hair away from life. One decision is all the difference. But I know that will never come and awake I agonize about what I think I have to do but I just don't want to do it. But I think for his sake I have too and that is all that matters.
i dont want to be tired anymore. I want to sleep. This thing must stop. THIS THING MUST STOP! lol"
2005-01-19
2005-01-19
ya think that the snow is a sign from god telling the president that he is pissed that bush kept of twisting his words around and for turning the political machine into a god machine for the purpose of winning the election? fucking drunk, cocaine using, cum guzzling, kid touching president. I swear I'm waiting for the plague of frogs next. Which would be funny cause then they would be all frozen and stuff. I should eat something."
2005-01-19
fucking snow. fucking government closing at 2:30 when every other mother fucker is going to be on the road. fucking people. fucking snow. fuckity fuckity fuck fuck fuck
2005-01-21 Why is it that all the people from those anti-gay pro-family groups look so gay! Here is the article:
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Christian Conservative groups have issued a gay alert warning over a children's video starring SpongeBob SquarePants, Barney and a host of other cartoon favorites.
The wacky square yellow SpongeBob is one of the stars of a music video due to be sent to 61,000 U.S. schools in March. The makers — the nonprofit We Are Family Foundation — say the video is designed to encourage tolerance and diversity.
But at least two Christian activist groups say the innocent cartoon characters are being exploited to promote the acceptance of homosexuality.
"A short step beneath the surface reveals that one of the differences being celebrated is homosexuality," wrote Ed Vitagliano in an article for the American Family Association.
The video is a remake of the 1979 hit song "We Are Family" using the voices and images of SpongeBob, Barney, Winnie the Pooh, Bob the Builder, the Rugrats and 100 TV cartoon stars. It was made by a foundation set up by songwriter Nile Rodgers after the Sept. 11, 2001, hijacked plane attacks to promote the nation's healing process.
Christian groups however have taken exception to the tolerance pledge on the foundation's Web site which asks people to respect the sexual identity of others along with their abilities, beliefs, culture and race.
"Their inclusion of the reference to 'sexual identity" within their 'tolerance pledge' is not only unnecessary but it crosses a moral line," Dr James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, said in a statement on Thursday.
Rodgers was astounded at the attack. "That is so myopic and harsh. You have really got to look hard to find anything in this that is offensive to anyone. The last thing I am going to do is taint these characters," he told Reuters.
Dobson was quoted by the New York Times on Thursday as having singled out the wildly popular SpongeBob during remarks about the video at a Washington D.C. dinner this week.
SpongeBob, who lives in a pineapple under the sea, was "outed" by the U.S. media in 2002 after reports that the TV show and its merchandise was popular with gays. His creator, Stephen Hillenburg, said at the time that although SpongeBob was an oddball, he thought of all the characters as asexual.
It is not the first time that children's TV favorites have come under the critical spotlight of the U.S. Christian right. Tinky Winky, the purse-toting purple Teletubbie, was in 1999 declared a homosexual role model by Rev. Jerry Falwell. "
is it me or does 'the president' look like he's suffered a stroke of that he's really a disney creation and the wires that move him need to be replaced. Fuck that man's scary.
Its getting to the point where it's embarrassing to be an american. Greece is pissed at us now cause we are FCC'ing the Olympics and they are saying we should fuck off and leave their culture alone.
Because I was intent on ignoring the entire 'presidential crap' yesterday, i was watching GMA or something and they had this guy on there talking about the ramifications of DC having to spend $12 million to pay for security. Now apparently the DC Fire Dept I think, won't have HASMAT suits. They now have to do cutbacks to pay for this shit. I just don't get it. Bush and the Federal Government should have picked up the whole tab.
2005-01-21
on days off from work, check livejournal before heading to Greenbelt for rehearsal so that I know that it's been canceled
:)
2005-01-21
joseph finnes is hot. much hotter then his brother.
i shouldn't have had chili for lunch
i one more smoker complains how cold it is outside when they're smoking, i'm gonna crap in their tea.
wow that makes no sense.
2005-01-21 2005-01-24
dammit, i have the stoopid song from Bring it On in my head. "There must be some Toro's in the Atmosphere!" Arg. Make it stop. It's been there since friday when i read an ad for some restaurant. blarg.
forgot to mention before that I went to the opening of
2005-01-25
Ah it nice to know that there are people like you out there. I have always been fascinated by old Stewardess (flight attendant) uniforms. I don't know why. I think back then it was more glamorous and exciting. What I want to be for Halloween is this: an old United Flight Attendant. How awesome. 2005-01-26
i have to shit soooo bad but all the bathrooms have people in them when i go in and i know its silly but i like to crap in peace even though if there were anywhere to make noise, that would be the place but I jut can't. one time, at bandcamp, wait no...one time in the bathroom i'm at the stall and this guy standing next to me lets on rip, and I mean this is ass flapping gas release too. I had to hold back laughter but it was just odd. I could never do that. Maybe among friends, well certainly among frineds I would fart, but in the company of strangers. NO! So, the next time the bathrooms are freeist is between 1:40 and 2. So that's when I will make my next sojourn. More update then.
Enjoy your lunch
2005-01-26
Ahhhhhhhhhh
i feel much better and 5 pounds lighter.
Sharing is caring
2005-01-27
oh my god, i just ate a raisin from my salad that looked like Wile E. Coyote (Super Genius). It was odd. I mean i had this conversation with my friend Ky about Wile and there he was in my salad. Now the question is, if i hadn't had that conversation last night, would French people still smell? The answer to that is yes, but more importantly, would I have seen Wile E in my salad?
Here are the lyrics to the Jay and Silent Bob rap cause someone at work sang part of it and its been in my head and I finally had to google the fucking lyrics.
fuck fuck fuck fuck
2005-01-28
i'm hungover. it sucks. i feel like there is an invisible lead x-ray vest laying on top of my head. blarg.
good night at nation. music was iffy at time and I think Adams style is lost on the new youngins in the scene. but it was fun nonetheless. found out how old jay is and it makes me love him more than ever. I was peeing and thinking about how long i have known him and since Tracks I have know him for over 15 years. Does it mean something that one of my longest relationships is with my bartender?
Got my hiv tests and they came back negative. joy joy. i was looking over my checkbook and seeing how much money i have given them and HRC and Food and Friends since august (close to 1000) and it's scary. but sitting there in the waiting area I felt bad that I was better off than a lot of the people there, both in wealth and health. I want to give more and volunteer more. once the play ends i think i am gonna try that.
i head to tampa in two days for two weeks and it's going to be fun. i despise florida but it will be nice to get away from the cold. and i want to go to busch gardens and ride coasters. :)
Oz out!"
2005-01-28
holy shit this day has to be the fucking slowest day in the history of the freaking world. i want to ... well i want to dance through the fields naked but it's way too cold for that.. so i want to curl up with Buffy and crew, Xander, and veg.
i got nothing"
2005-01-31
snot
snort
so i'm here in tampa. bored outta my gord. And i'm sick as a dog. I really dont understand expression. But anyway, yes i have a cold and it's freaking annoying me and i am not in the mood to be here at all. it looks like we wont even last the whole 2 weeks, which is a good thing for the play and stuff but this whole trip just seems to anticlimatic. Its very odd. My heart isn't into it.
Sneeze
Blow
Its fun seeing new things and all but .. i dunno .. i'm over it.
Time for an overdose of Nyquil. Time to dream some slash fic of Oz and Xander getting it on."
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