Blackotter  ::  Journal

2003-01-03 10:34:00

What is with me??? I am so fucking confused. Why is it that people I meet and date seem to think that I fucking walk on water. They think I'm good natured, a 'pure soul', honest, kind, gentle ... blah blah blah. I'm can't be as good as these people think I am. I am certainly not someone to fall in love with, as if I haven't proven that enough over the years. You all know that I suck at this dating crap, you've told me so. So why do they fall in love so hard and so fast?! All I want is causal dating, getting to know someone, hanging out for a while, then have sex, then hang out, see movies, have a mother fucking picnic, go to an Amusement park, chill ... but these people are condensing all this is too just a few weeks. And cause I don't feel the same thing back I feel like a cold hearted dick, which I partly am, I know that. At least I have learned my lesson to NEVER say anything back just to make them feel good. I just don't say anything at all and let the dipshits cry it out. Any why do the people I date have the coolest friends? That’s always the kicker. And is it unreasonable to think that dating is a sliding scale? After 6 weeks of dating in my mind it can still o either way: it can continue along or slide down to friendship cause we do indeed get along so very well. But I know that's not going to be a possibility, I can feel it in my block of ice called a heart. All this wants me to never drink again. Though conversely I want a drink. Blah. Fuck it all to hell.

2003-01-06 16:43:00 New Fave car

Okay I have a few but the new VW Touareg is freaking hot lookin

2003-01-06 13:26:00 Pics

I have posted new photos on my journal page. They are some from the snow yesterday and some from New Years and some from Christmas I think. I am trying to get more up and will hopefully do so when I get more time to do it. Overall it was a good holiday season. I was off from December 21 thru January 2 and in that time I moved from my old house in VA to the new house in MD. Thankfully it was an easy move, well at least the actual move was thanks to my friend Leland having a friend with a truck, but the actual packing everything into boxes really sucks ass. I hate it!!! But it is all done and I am in the new house. Which as we all know has problems of its own but we are working through those. So that was the 21. Sigh. Then the holidays and I spent the 23 with Leland and then he went to PA with his friend Frank. I had my usual Christmas eve dinner with the family and friends and tons of drunkenness. Actually I got less trashed then usual but I was toasty which you can tell cause in one of the photos I was doing snow angels. Yeah. Christmas day was the usual, woke up late, opened presents, went to the movies. We saw Two Weeks Notice which I thought was pretty good. Now its a romantic comedy which means that if you can't figure out the story before you go in, you're retarded. But the fun of it is seeing how they get there. And staring at Sandra Bullock for an hour and 40 minutes is a pretty good way to spend the time. Then we went back to the house, ate more food, then as the holiday depression was setting in I went to my friend Larry and Matt’s house for hot tubbing in the snow and watching Harry Potter. Good times. Blah blah blah till the New Year. Usually I go to New York for the New Year but I didn't hear from my friend DJ so I stayed here and had my friends Scott, Leah, Leland and myself over and we had a pj New Years. It was cool. We drank, danced, ate and had a good time. Then it was back to work. Sigh.

2003-01-08 17:06:00

My knee hurts. Blah

2003-01-10 15:32:00 wow

Okay so now Apple has released X11. Can they be any cooler!! I NEED ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (the 12" powerbook to be exact) 

2003-01-10 12:51:00 So keeping in the morbid state of things

I was sitting in the temple today listening to the Rabbi talk about how wonderful Jackie was, and she was, and I began to reflect. Gee I've never done that before! And I was wondering what people would say about me if I passed away. Some that come to mind: He was a great guy with the sexual appetite of 30 fifteen year olds. He really liked Nuns. REALLY liked nuns. Ass explosion comes to mind. He was the master of noise, and no orifice was quiet. TMI were unknown letters to him. I'm just kidding but after sitting there and watching everyone and feeling the emotion and seeing the body being wheeled out just does things to you.

2003-01-10 12:36:00 Black celebration

First off, let me give my prayers to Stu Fischer and his family. This morning I attended the funeral for his wife Jackie who passed away on Wednesday night. I was a beautiful ceremony and my first Jewish funeral and the service and the speech by the Rabbi was incredible. Stu was the director of my last play Museum and his wife was always there helping and always smiling."

2003-01-14 15:11:00 So I have a comment on the impending war...

Now, being that I work in the industry keep alive with a defense budget I could be a little bias or some other word I can't think of but I was talking to someone this morning about the atrocities that Saddam is creating. Apparently the news is saying that Saddam is going to use women and children in the war to make the rest of the world think that we are savages and murderers because we are going to have to kill these innocents to get to the ultimate goal of killing this little shit. I said 'Oh well' and the person I was conversing with was kind of shocked at that. To which I was like well, if you are going to build child care centers and nunneries on top of missile silos and ammo dumps then we are going to have to go and destroy what ever we need to get the job done. Do I approve of killing innocent people? No. Do I believe that collateral damage exists and is a part of war? Yes. But what is really going to irk the living shit of me is that when we do do this, all the bleeding heart mother fuckers in the US are going to cry foul cause we are killing women and children and say that we should stop the war. This is the same thing they said when we began to pummel Afghanistan and what pisses me off is that's where these people stop thinking. They think that we should stop fighting and all will be okay OH expect that we still have half a world of people we can't identify who still want to fly planes into our building and kill us. But wait we killed some innocent people so we are the bad guys. So we get fucking Sean Penn to go over and talk peace or that dick Jesse Jackson, who still doesn't know that he's a joke to even the people he's talking to, to make nice and save the world. How ignorant are people? I would LOVE to find a way to solve the worlds issues without using missiles or putting our Military in jeopardy but sometimes the other team doesn't play by the rules and we have adapt to the new set of rules. And now I have lost my train of thought and will stop, at least till I get angry again. :)

2003-01-16 10:14:00 phuck this 

So we had no water pressure this morning so I was unable to show and that simple fact that I am wearing yesterdays grime is phucking driving me nuts. I knew I was odd about showering but I'm sitting here at my desk and I can smell me and it driving me insane. No one says I smell and I'm sure its the smoke in the clothes but crap I hate not showering.

2003-01-21 17:26:00

oh now it works? (ref last entry) I wanna be in bed

2003-01-21 17:25:00

why can't I stick a simple apostrophe in here? ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' arg what's the code for that ....

2003-01-21 17:22:00 comment on this please:

Here are the results from a kissing quiz I took. I don’t think it sounds like me at all but let me know what you all think of me. (there an opening if I ever heard one...) “Kissing by the *Stars*: What does your style say about you? Your results are based on the four elements of Astrology: Fire, Earth, Air and Water. Each Element has its own set of characteristics, and each of us displays some combination thereof, usually with a focus on one or two. Which Elements most strongly influence you? You scored 50% Water In kissing and romance, you lean toward qualities exhibited by Water Signs -- you may be a little shy when it comes to public displays of affection, but you're a truly passionate and intuitive lover who is as interested in giving pleasure as you are in receiving it. You're not really interested in short, meaningless affairs, either; you'd much prefer to wait till you find your perfect life partner -- and you do believe there's one person out there who is just right for you. You'd probably love to be with a Cancer, a Scorpio or a Pieces lover. You scored 41.7% Fire In kissing and romance, you lean toward qualities exhibited by Fire Signs -- you like things fast and passionate and see no reason to wait when what you want is within your reach! You also might not see any reason to tie yourself down to one person when there are so many attractive people in the world. Commitment may not be one of your strong points, but what you lack in loyalty you more than make up in dashing panache! You'd most likely match up best with an Aries, a Leo, or a Sagittarius lover. You scored 8.3% Earth In kissing and romance, you lean toward qualities exhibited by Earth Signs -- you're incredibly sensual, you love beauty and luxury and you expect your lover to treat you like royalty, a favor that you will gladly return. You prize commitment and loyalty in a relationship; as long as your sweetie gives you no reason to be jealous, you're as sweet and happy as can be. You're not against short-and-sweet affairs, but you're really looking for something more long-term and durable. You may find a Taurus, a Virgo, or a Capricorn lover to be the sexiest and most committed match for you You scored 0% Air In kissing and romance, you lean toward qualities exhibited by Air Signs -- someone has to match you on an intellectual level if they expect to stimulate your more carnal desires. You're not opposed to long-term relationships and commitment, but sometimes you lose interest in a relationship more quickly than you'd want to admit! You're likely to be most turned on by a Gemini, a Libra or an Aquarius lover. “ I don’t think it sounds all that much like me, well the fire should be higher and so should the air

2003-01-22 17:49:00 Silly Quiz Time!

I found this on a friends journal and had to take it cause the kitten on his was sooo cute. Mine's cuter. And ironically enough this cat that I am supposed to be is the non-allergy producing cat. I thought that was very cool. What color of kitten would you be? brought to you by Quizilla